Tag: travel

  • The Great Miami Run (And the plane that nearly flew me to Heaven)

    If you ever find yourself sprinting through Miami International with a suitcase in one hand, a handbag in the other, and your entire life’s belongings scattered behind you, then congratulations—you’re basically living my nightmare. This is the true story of how a simple family trip turned into a full-blown adventure involving moving walkways, lost passports, near-death experiences, and prayers whispered at 30,000 feet. Buckle up—it’s going to be a bumpy ride.


    So, to set the scene: I’d just turned 30. My parents decided to take me along on a trip to the States—four of us in total: me, my parents, and my Aunt Betty. The three of them had planned a longer vacation, so I was joining them in Miami about ten days after they’d left.

    Fast forward to me, fresh off a 19-hour journey from Durban, South Africa to Miami, my long legs folded into origami in economy class. By the time we landed, I was basically 70% jet lag and 30% airplane pretzels.

    After surviving the terrifying gauntlet of U.S. customs (where every officer looks like they’re auditioning for a crime drama), I strutted into arrivals expecting a warm welcome from the family. You know—smiles, hugs, maybe even one of those cheesy cardboard signs.

    Instead… nothing. No familiar faces. Just me, my giant suitcase, my handbag, and a travel envelope crammed with my passport and tickets—an envelope so big it deserved its own boarding pass. Why I didn’t buy a bag that could actually fit it is a mystery for the ages.

    I stood there looking like an abandoned extra from Home Alone 2, when suddenly my name echoed through the PA system. Now, here’s the thing about being South African with the name “Carol Liquorish”: when an American, especially one with a syrupy Southern drawl, says it three times, it takes a while for your brain to catch up.

    On the third announcement, my ears finally tuned in—something about going to the nearest payphone. Which was odd, because back home, payphones were basically museum pieces. Still, I wandered over and picked it up like I’d been doing it all my life.

    A voice on the line asked, “Are you Carol Liquorish?”
    I said yes, still unsure if I was about to be recruited for a spy mission.

    Then she launched into a long, molasses-slow sentence I had to mentally translate from Southern into English. The gist? My father was in the hospital in Tampa, and I was booked on a flight leaving in the next FIVE MINUTES.

    She added—loudly—that I needed to get to that terminal NOW.

    Cue my internal monologue: Father in hospital? In America? Oh no. How bad? Heart attack? Stroke? Wait—five minutes?!

    Adrenaline kicked in. I grabbed my bags and bolted into a dead sprint.

    Then—hallelujah!—I spotted a moving walkway. You know, the magical conveyor belt for tired travelers who can’t bear the thought of walking like peasants. Brilliant idea, I thought. I’ll run on it and get there even faster!

    Great plan… until it wasn’t.

    The first moving section went perfectly. But in my frazzled, panicked state, I forgot about the gaps between walkways. My foot hit the stationary floor, and physics took over.

    I wasn’t just airborne—I face-planted with such force that I slid, like a clumsy penguin, right onto the next moving belt. I lay there, winded, riding it like some tragic piece of luggage until it unceremoniously dumped me at the other end.

    Only then did it dawn on me: all my worldly possessions—suitcase, handbag, duty-free snacks—were now scattered in every direction back at the first intersection. Which meant I had to walk back – this time on terra firma, to gather my belongings before continuing my so-called sprint to the gate.

    Ten minutes (and the probable loss of both lungs) later, I stumbled up to the check-in counter, drenched in sweat and clinging to consciousness.

    “Passport, please,” the agent said.

    I reached for my travel envelope.
    It wasn’t there.

    Panic hit me like a freight train. My passport, my travellers cheques (remember when we had those to deal with), my entire identity—all sitting exactly where I had left them. On top of the payphone.

    The check-in agent took one look at my face, pointed down the terminal, and said, “I’ll hold the plane. Leave your bags. RUN.”

    I didn’t ask questions. I dug deep, summoning some mysterious reserve of energy (possibly borrowed from my future grandchildren), and sprinted back like an Olympic hopeful in the 100m dash. My heart pounded with a singular fear: If my envelope was gone, so was I.

    Miracle of miracles—it was still there. Right where I’d abandoned it in my shock. What can I say – America in the 90’s!

    Back I ran, lungs screaming, legs staging a mutiny. The gate staff practically shoved me onto the plane, where eleven other passengers were glaring at me for delaying departure by a neat half hour.

    As if that wasn’t enough, Miami had apparently been under tornado warnings all day. I’d ignored them, of course—because the sun was shining when I landed, and clearly I control the weather. But now? Dark skies, howling wind, and rain hammering against our tiny aircraft.

    And when I say tiny, I mean tiny. The flight attendant was casually seated at the back, passing around a box of peanuts and juice like it was a picnic in the sky.

    I had a window seat right behind the wing. We took off at what felt like a 90-degree angle, and I was still trying to recover from my airport marathon when—

    CRACK!

    A blinding bolt of lightning lit up the sky. I was convinced it had hit the wing, because suddenly the plane tilted. One second we were flying normally; the next, the wing was pointing straight at the ground.

    Below me, the city lights looked like a miniature toy set—tiny cars, tiny buildings—growing bigger by the second as we plummeted. People screamed.

    I didn’t.
    I was too busy accepting my imminent death.

    In that moment, I did the only thing I knew how to do: I prayed. Not some deep, poetic, soul-stirring prayer. No. I defaulted to the one I’d learned in school assemblies:

    “Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…”

    I figured if I was about to meet God, I should at least say hello. And maybe apologize—because honestly, my life choices so far hadn’t exactly been pointing me in His direction.

    Just as I reached “Amen,” the pilots somehow leveled us out. The city dropped out of sight, and the captain’s voice came over the intercom:

    “That was a little rough, folks, but we’re now on our way to Tampa for what should be a nice flight.”

    A nice flight. Sure.

    I let out a shaky breath, convinced the worst was over. Then I heard it—sobbing.

    I turned around.

    It was the flight attendant.

    The woman whose job it was to reassure us. Ugly crying!

    And just like that, my relief evaporated.

    I didn’t die on that trip. Neither did my dad. Turns out, he’d always suffered from weak kidneys—and because he’s too proud to use an airplane loo, he hadn’t had a sip of water for almost 24 hours. That little stunt earned him a few days in the hospital.

  • My Big Fat USCIS Adventure

    The Journey Begins (With Tea and Tar)

    So yesterday I had what can only be described as The Great American Immigration Quest: Biometrics Edition — a tale of sweat, smoothies, soggy shoes, and divine delays.

    It all started when I got the golden ticket—a letter from USCIS summoning me for biometrics, which sounds way fancier than it is (translation: fingerprints and a mugshot). I was still VERY excited. One step closer to that magical green card!

    Google Maps estimated it would take 2 hours and 15 minutes from Ocala to Jacksonville, so like the responsible adult I occasionally pretend to be, I left at 10am for my 1pm appointment. Plenty of time, I thought. Oh sweet, naïve, me.

    For some reason, my GPS decided i95 was too mainstream, and rerouted me through the scenic route—which I now call the National Geographic Tour of Northern Florida. Forests, bridges, lakes, and… roadworks. Of course.

    At one stop, I got to watch a surprisingly attractive, tiny-but-mighty road worker lady absolutely dominate the tar-shoveling game. I swear she couldn’t have weighed more than 45 kilograms soaking wet, but there she was, shoveling like a gladiator while the big dudes stood around “supervising.” I was sipping tea from my thermos, living my best life and thinking, “you go, girlfriend!”.

    Where GPS’ go to die and the quickest Biometrics in the West

    Then I hit Jacksonville.

    Let me tell you something—Jacksonville is not for the faint of heart or the directionally challenged. It’s all highways stacked on top of highways like some sort of spaghetti bowl of doom. I went from peaceful tea sipper to sweaty-palmed GPS worshipper in 30 seconds flat. Somehow, I made it to the USCIS office with 30 minutes to spare. Victory?

    Not quite.

    There was a serious-looking officer guarding the door like he was auditioning for FBI: The Musical. And there I was, bladder bursting from that huge thermos of tea and stomach growling from that one sad slice of toast I had hours ago. So I detoured to Smoothie King (blessed be thy overpriced blends), grabbed my Chocolate Protein Power smoothie, used their glorious restroom, and sped back to USCIS—brain freeze and all.

    And then as I get back… the sky opened up. Full monsoon. I looked like a poodle in a power washer. I clutched my documents, shoved the smoothie into my bag, and bolted toward the door like I was storming Normandy. The scary officer greeted me with a glare that could curdle milk and said the unthinkable:

    “Ma’am, you’ll have to throw away your smoothie.”

    NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Goodbye $8 smoothie and any trace of dignity. Inside, I was double-scanned because apparently necklaces are a national threat. Finally, I made it to biometrics where a lovely lady took my fingerprints and captured what I can only describe as my “wet rat glamour shot.” Whole process: 10 minutes.

    First world efficiency, baby!

    When Your Car Locks You Out… and God Locks You In (For a Reason)

    Feeling slightly defeated but proud, I walked back to my car… and reached for my keys…

    Oh no.

    Yep. In my sprint to avoid the downpour, I’d locked my keys in the car. Because I drive an ancient Chevy Spark that lets you do that sort of thing. #ClassicMe

    I called my sweet husband Stevie, who said he’d drive 3.5 hours with the spare. Lovely gesture, but I was sitting outside a federal building, phone dying, with the nearest coffee shop across a 4-lane highway of doom. I started pacing like a spy who missed the drop-off.

    Then, miracle! Stevie remembered our car insurance includes roadside assistance. 🕊️ A lovely man showed up 45 minutes later and opened my car in three seconds flat like it was child’s play. I cheered. He did not. But I cheered anyway.

    So back to Smoothie King I went—justice for Smoothie #1!—got a new drink, and began the 2.5-hour drive home. This time, the GPS took me on i95… just in time for it to announce a major accident ahead.

    And then… it hit me.

    Maybe—just maybe—that whole ridiculous adventure, the rain sprint, the locked car, the delay… it was heaven’s way of keeping me safe. As I approached what was a massive, multi-vehicle wreck involving a truck pileup, I realized…

    If I hadn’t been delayed, I might’ve been in it!!

    Almost Out of Gas… and Definitely Out of Dignity

    So there I was—post-biometric, post-drenched, post-smoothie-mourning—finally settled back in my car, ready to head home and emotionally process the day’s drama with some light sobbing and worship music.

    But nope. Not yet.

    Because as I’m pulling out of Jacksonville, I glance down and there it is—my fuel light blinking like a toddler in a tantrum. I had completely forgotten to refuel in all the biometric excitement. No problem, I think, I’ll just take the next exit and hit up the BP station like a responsible adult.

    Except… just as I’m about to turn left to BP, I spot the golden arches of road trip salvation: Buc-ee’s. I mean, it’s Buc-ee’s. Bathrooms like palaces. Jerky in 87 flavors. Gas pumps until kingdom come. Obviously, I decide to turn right instead.

    Except…

    That “right” was actually the onramp back onto the i95.

    Panic mode engaged.

    I yank the wheel in a desperate attempt to correct my course, nearly colliding head-on with a poor, unsuspecting traveler just trying to enter the highway in peace. I execute the world’s most dramatic wheel spin onto a patch of grass (Fast & Furious: Immigrant Edition), and realize with horror that there’s no way back—I’m now officially back on the highway with nothing but prayer and fumes in the tank.

    Cue me whispering, “Please Jesus, not the roadside assistance twice in one day. My dignity can’t take it.”

    Thankfully, hallelujah for America, where you can find a gas station every six feet. I coasted into a station, probably on angel wings, and filled up, swearing I’d never ignore my fuel light again (a promise I will definitely break).

    Rain-Soaked but Rescued: Publix, Peace, and Peanut Butter

    One final task before heading home: get peanut butter. Yes, after a day of governmental bureaucracy, accidental fast-lane stunts, and smoothie sacrifices, all I wanted was to cradle a jar of crunchy, comforting peanut butter.

    I walked into the grocery store like I was on a mission from God… and came out with peanut butter. And also a loaf of bread, some bananas, a candle I didn’t need, and possibly a potted plant. Because healing is a process.

    And just as I reached the door… BOOM. Another sky-dumping cloud burst. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

    There I stood, in the entrance of Publix, holding my peanut butter and my pride, dripping yet again.

    But here’s the thing (serious voice now 🎙️): as much as it felt like the enemy of my soul was doing everything in their power to steal my peace, my joy… maybe even my life—they didn’t win.

    I had a great adventure.

    I saw the hand of God in the delays.

    I was protected from disaster.

    And I still got my peanut butter. 🥜

    Moral of the story?

    Sometimes what feels like a delay is actually a divine detour.
    Even in the chaos, God is weaving protection, provision, and maybe even a little humor.